What in life have you tried more than anything else? I asked him. To be normal! he answered me immediately. I can almost say that I tried to be normal even before I could walk autonomously! he added. I asked António (fictitious name) this question because at the very first consultation he said he was tired of trying things in life! He felt desperate because he couldn't accept that if life was his, then why should he have to keep trying!
I learned very early on that people didn't want me to be the way I was, he said. Whether it was when I was on someone's lap and crying or screaming. Or when I was on the floor and started kicking and screaming! It's as if people expect people not to do any of these or similar things! she says. But what do people want anyway? Be it the parents, but I can also ask the same of teachers, colleagues or anyone else in Society! he says. But do people hold themselves in such high regard that they think they are so special? he asks.
I have spent a significant part of my life trying to be normal, he says. And the funny thing is, I've tried to be something that I've never really found out what it is! And I don't think anyone else can say it either. Because I've asked many different people throughout my life and I've never heard a conclusive answer!
But as I never really understood myself, I kept on trying. And when I thought about the way I should try to be, there were people who told me that I should try to be normal. Or when I looked at the way other people were, I realised that they seemed to do everything in a normal way. And so I just kept trying to be normal, just keep going.
So when I got my diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder I told myself that I would stop wanting to be normal! said Antonio. From now on I want to understand myself and reflect on my person in a deeper way! he concludes. I know that knowing the diagnosis will not make my life easy and that it will also bring challenges and responsibilities, mainly towards myself! I have noticed that now that I know my diagnosis, the stigma in society seems even more present than before. And that it can even make me doubt the value of the diagnosis. But I don't give up! I have spent my life trying to be normal and it didn't work. Now I have the other half left and I'm going to try to be myself! concludes.
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